Her kids come first! It is that simple. There is no negotiating on this and you just have to understand that her kids will be her priority. This doesn’t mean that your needs will be irrelevant but kids trump boyfriend/husband…always. Now that we have that out of the way I want to dive deeper into how to date someone with kids and what this means for you. If you are reading this it probably means that you do not have children of your own so let me give you the details you need to know.
Keep it Low-Key
Kids need time to get used to having you around and they need to be comfortable in your presence. So there is no need to come in hot with invitations to the circus and try to act like their best friend. They want to get to know you and learn what you are all about. When you meet them gradually then they will feel more inclined to ask questions and feel safe around you.
In fact, I skipped a step. You won’t even be meeting her kids right away. There isn’t a hard or fast rule on when you can or can’t meet your girlfriends’ kids but it won’t be until after you have been steadily dating and there is a possibility of commitment. There are so many factors here and it’s a conversation that you need to have with her once you get serious.
You may not have a lot of experience with kids and that’s ok but something you have to realize is that kids run on their own schedule and take a lot of time from their mothers. The babysitter cancels at the last minute sometimes. She needs time to bring them to and from their activities. Kids get sick…often. And she will probably end up sick from taking care of her sick kids.
Coach tip: This is a great opportunity for you to nurse her back to health. You can drop off food or drinks, send flowers, or even a call or a text will be comforting. If you want more tips from me then subscribe to my podcast, read my blogs or follow me on social media for more.
Not getting too disappointed when you have to cancel a date is part of the deal when it comes to children, whether they are young or in their teens. You can still have phone dates and with today’s technology, there is no excuse why you can’t have a video chat after the kids go to bed. A naughty call or a wholesome one.
Be Honest and Dependable
Listen! She doesn’t have time to play games or wonder where you guys are in your relationship. I hope you heard the attitude in my tone with that line.
Her plate is completely full at all times and always running a million miles a minute thinking of all the things that have to get done in a day.
The only games you need to play are inside the bedroom. She will be grateful if you make a plan for those.
What you want to achieve here is to make each other lives easier. Build a partnership built on a solid foundation of honesty. Yes, that sounds like a self-help book but the advice is true.
Be thoughtful, be considerate, and offer to help where necessary.
The kids’ father may or may not be present in their lives but that doesn’t change the fact that being a mother is hard and the to-do lists are endless. You don’t know how much she would appreciate you running to the store and picking up the dry cleaning on any given day.
Here’s the bottom line, she isn’t asking you to come in to be her kids’ father or to take on responsibilities. You’re going to slowly get to know each other and then you’ll slowly get to know her kids if you are interested in continuing the relationship. You all have to be comfortable when you enter into a relationship with kids.