Want to learn more about how to last longer in the bedroom? In today’s episode I sit down with Erik Everhard to talk about the adult film industry, what women really want in the bedroom, and how to get out of your own head and let go of performance anxiety.
This episode, we discuss:
[2:00] How Erik got started in the adult film industry
[9:04] Erik dishes on if he’s ever fallen in love with a coworker or not
[13:40] How Erik coaches his clients to improve their skills in the bedroom
[16:41] How Erik’s career has helped him learn what women want in the bedroom
[22:59] The different age ranges Erik tends to work with and how he helps his clients perform better
[32:11] Why Erik decided to write a book
[36:01] Other ways you can learn from Erik
[39:15] How to get out of your own head and let go of performance anxiety
[41:02] How men can be less selfish when pleasing their partner
[49:12] Erik’s favorite date and why
[2:00] How Erik got started in the adult film industry
Erik started in the adult film industry in 1997. During this time, he was in massage therapy school studying to become a massage therapist. He would browse the local newspaper during his lunch break and came across an ad looking for women and couples to do a porno movie in Vancouver.
An ex-girlfriend of Erik’s had told him that he was perfect for porn due to being well endowed and he always laughed it off but after seeing this ad, he decided to give it a shot. He called the number on the ad and was quickly hung up on it so he gave up on the idea for the time being. Seven months later, he saw that ad again and decided to give it another shot and was persistent about it and was asked to come down to the studio and the rest was history.
Eventually, Erik moved down to LA with $300 in his pocket to pursue a career in the porn industry and was able to learn the techniques and strategies to be able to obtain an erection no matter where he was.
[9:04] Erik dishes on if he’s ever fallen in love with a coworker or not
Erik says that he has dated a coworker at some point or another. Erik finds that dating within the industry and dating those who aren’t in the industry both have their own set of pros and cons. Erik believes that as long as you are 100% transparent from the beginning, it is much easier to maintain a relationship since all the cards are on the table.
Erik finds that men struggle with their significant other being in the porn industry more than women due to men being more likely to have a fragile ego.
[13:40] How Erik coaches his clients to improve their skills in the bedroom
Erik teaches his clients how to be able to get most women off at any time and last as long as they choose to. He helps them overcome performance anxiety so that they can get hard no matter what.
Erik has always said that the problem with porn is that it is a visual media so while the scenes may look great on camera, they are not positions you should be doing at home because they don’t feel great for either party.
[16:41] How Erik’s career has helped him learn what women want in the bedroom
Being in the porn industry has helped Erik better understand what women want in the bedroom because he’s gotten a lot of experience learning their physical cues.
He says that top paid actors always have these five criteria:
- Being able to get an erection on demand
- Able to produce a cum shot within 2 minutes of being asked but no sooner
- Above average in penis size
- Decently good looking
- Ability to bring something out of the woman that would not have happened if you weren’t in the scene with her
Over the years, it has become much easier for Erik to figure out what positions work best and how to apply the basic principles to each person he’s with. Each woman is going to be slightly different in terms of how much pressure to apply and the speed of the encounters so that is something to keep in mind.
[22:59] The different age ranges Erik tends to work with and how he helps his clients perform better
Erik primarily works with men in their mid 30s to mid 40s all the way up to 50. First, he helps them with their mindset. A lot of performance anxiety and issues with lasting is in men’s heads so working on the mindset piece first is imperative.
Once the mindset piece is taken care of then he focuses on teaching his clients how to lead in the bedroom. Women don’t want you to be sweet and hold their hand in bed. They want you to take control of the situation.
After the bedroom leadership portion, Erik teaches his clients how to excel with oral sex because if you have excellent oral skills you will be golden even if you’re struggling to get it up because she gets that pleasure no matter what.
Then, Erik teaches his clients specific positions and how to apply them. He also helps his clients work on their strength and exercise to help elevate their sex game. Lastly, he talks his clients through anal sex and how to perform it properly so that the women don’t experience pain.
[32:11] Why Erik decided to write a book
Erik decided to write a book while studying for his NLP certification in Northern California. He studied there for three years and found that it was a really holistic experience. After completing his studies, Erik really tried to figure out what his purpose was. An ex of his told him that he should write a book about sex since he was really good at it and that’s what first planted the seed.
From there, he decided to go for it and lay it all out on the table so that other men could learn to be better in the bedroom. After the book, Erik expanded to courses and one on one coaching to help more men with their struggles.
[36:01] Other ways you can learn from Erik
In addition to his book and working with Erik in a coaching capacity, he also has an online course called Crushing Performance Anxiety. In this course, Erik teaches his proven framework on how to get an erection no matter where you are.
[39:15] How to get out of your own head and let go of performance anxiety
Erik explains that the decision to have sex is all up to the woman but the act of sex itself is up to the men because if they can’t get hard, then sex isn’t happening.
[41:02] How men can be less selfish when pleasing their partner
Erik explains that this is one of two things. The first is does your partner enjoy going down on you? When it comes to going down on your partner, you need to do it for you, not them. If you are just doing it because your partner wants you to then it isn’t going to be good because you are just going to feel like you are taking one for the team. If it’s not something you enjoy doing, you’re going to lose your erection. If that is the case, then you need to have your positioning skills down so that you can still give your partner an orgasm.
[49:12] Erik’s favorite date and why
Erik’s favorite date was with an ex-girlfriend of his where they initially met on Twitter and started some flirtatious banter on there. For their first date, she came over to Erik’s place and as soon as she stepped out of her car, he grabbed her and immediately started making out with her.
Connect with Erik:
The Ultimate Guide to Longer Lasting Pleasure in the Bedroom with Erik Everhard
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