On this week’s episode we have the knowledgeable and talented Jessica Graham of Wild Awakening! This beautiful conversation includes topics such as: orgasm anxiety and how to start healing it, ethical non monogamy, infidelity and the roots of chronic pain.
I honestly believe everyone could gain something from listening to this episode and getting to know Jessica’s teachings a bit more! Let me know what you think of this episode on Instagram, see you next week.
In this week’s episode, we discuss:
[1:19] About Jessica Graham
[3:09] What brought Jessica into this line of work
[9:32] What inspired Jessica’s book
[14:41] Traditional relationships and sex
[22:46] What is ethical non monogamy?
[31:44] Orgasm anxiety
[41:12] Chronic pain
[53:10] Jessica’s favorite date
About Jessica Graham
Jessica Graham is a trauma resolution guide, specializing in complex-developmental trauma. She is also a meditation teacher, sex, relationship, and spiritual guide for couples and individuals, and international speaker. She is also the author of Good Sex: Getting Off Without Checking Out, which has been translated into several languages, and is a best seller in the Netherlands.
Jessica is a certified ReBloom Post-Traumatic Growth Guide, a Grief Recovery Specialist, and is trained in Brainspotting. She can be found on many apps including; Simple Habit, Wise@Work, Emjoy, Breathe, and Sanity & Self. Jessica has offered workshops at various centers internationally, including Esalen Institute, and has been interviewed/quoted for such publications as, Women’s Health Magazine, Bustle, GOOP, Lion’s Roar, The Lilly, Health Magazine, and more.
They are also included in The Great Courses’ Masters of Mindfulness. In addition to this, Jessica is an award-winning actor and filmmaker. Their upcoming book of essays and poems will be released by North Atlantic book in spring 2024.
What brought Jessica into this line of work
Growing up in the 80s with a great but also difficult family, Jessica was on her own at a very young age. They exhibited signs of complex trauma and it was showing up heavily in their relationships to the point where they hit rock bottom. That bottom became their place of transformation and they now don’t exhibit the signs of a person with PTSD, although they are always a work in progress.
What inspired Jessica’s book
Jessica’s book was written in 2017 but it was the culmination of their life growing up sex positive and on a healing path. They were raised very open and was even the advice giver for many of their friends growing up when it came to their sex lives. Jessica did lots of healing work and started to get very curious about evolving their sex life which eventually got to be explored in a new relationship. Jessica saw all of the work they had done pay off plus had expansive and wild sex. Jessica’s writing got the attention of a book deal that has now been translated into numerous languages.
Traditional relationships and sex
There are a lot of people looking to find new ways of being in relationships and fulfilling their sexual needs that aren’t monogamous. Everyone is so unique and some of us figure this out about ourselves much later in life. It’s important to have healthy foundations and communication if you want to be more exploratory in a partnership because your partner’s fear of abandonment might surface and you want to be supportive to both people while you do this. Even with all of the foundations it can still be a time for a partnership to split if someone does not feel happy in the relationship anymore and that is okay.
What is ethical non monogamy?
Ethical non monogamy looks like being extremely honest and respectful to your partner and the new people you bring into the relationship. Am I focusing on doing no harm? Honoring the agreements I’ve made with my partner? Disclosing STIs and practicing safe sex? It’s also staying open to the endless possibilities of sex and relationships and not locked in a traditional idea.
An example of non ethical non monogamy is cheating which is extremely prevalent. Also, falling in lust with someone at work or elsewhere and chasing that feeling but in reality you may not even like them that much. Shoving down and avoiding parts of you to stay in monogamous relationships rather than opening these up and discussing them with your partner.
Jessica sees this mindset across genders and it starts with becoming much more aware of our mind body systems during sex and speaking to ourselves differently. Jessica works with men and women in sessions around this and usually finds some psychological or emotional aspect to it that can be changed. This anxiety isn’t just about if you will come or if it will be too fast but it can be about how you sound, taste, etc.
Chronic pain is something that Jessica has been experiencing since they were young and didn’t really realize the implications of it until they were sober and a previous boyfriend pointed it out. Jessica was very private about it until recently and has also come to learn who their true friends are when you have an autoimmune disorder that may keep you in bed for days at a time.
Jessica pinpoints that trauma plays a huge role in these chronic conditions and how the stress deeply impacts the nervous system. Jessica is also writing a book about this right now expanding on chronic pain, trauma, neurodivergence and other topics.
Jessica’s favorite date
Although controversial, Jessica’s favorite date included a bag of guns! Their date picked them up with a bunch of guns and they went shooting together. After that they had a great meal and a make out session at Jessica’s place. They loved the meditative feeling of using the guns and the relaxation it took to use it correctly.
Connect with Jessica: