There is an under-discussed epidemic of men who find approaching women extremely difficult. According to this week’s guest, Eric Disco, this is extremely common and normal for some men to evolve past this fear in their life. As a result of our lack of social connection in the past years, that problem has only gotten worse and we are starting to see how online dating doesn’t always serve us. Eric shares with us his six steps to getting past approaching anxiety, his personal experience with moving through this and why it’s so important for men to learn this. I hope this week’s episode will serve you in finding even more joy and happiness in your dating life today!
In this week’s episode we discuss:
[02:01] Who is Eric Disco?
[02:36] How Eric became a dating coach
[03:28] Eric’s experience of dating anxiety
[08:46] Eric’s first three steps for approaching women
[22:20] The best and worst places and ways to practice approaching women
[28:32] Eric’s final three steps for approaching women
[45:43] Impact of COVID on dating
[49:52] Why it’s so important for men to learn how to approach women
[54:27] How following these steps helps you meet more attractive women than online dating
[01:00:08] How Eric coaches his clients about sex
[1:04:48] How to know if she wants a kiss
[1:15:57] Eric’s favorite date
Who is Eric Disco?
Eric is a dating coach for men, who specializes in the debilitating anxiety that can plague men who are dating. With years of research, practice and coaching he was able to get past his own anxiety. He further created a method that has helped hundreds of men achieve their goals with women.
Eric wrote an award winning book called, “She’s Six Steps Away” helping men meet and date women they see in their everyday lives.
How Eric became a dating coach
After moving to New York CIty he got really excited to meet all the amazing women in the city but found that when he would try to talk to them he would be met with this overwhelming paralysis. Eric decided at once to make it his mission to move past this fear.
Eric’s experience of dating anxiety
Eric states that it wasn’t a specific trigger for him but more something he wasn’t used to doing and seems to be the case for most men he works with. There is strong evolutionary programming to protect ourselves and our reputation. This is an innate tendency that men are meant to move through and grow through.
Eric’s first three steps for approaching women
The first step is to go out into the world where these women are, such as a coffee shop or bar and get comfortable in these places. You’re going out with the intention of meeting women and making a habit of doing this reguarly.
The next step is when you see someone you may be interested in, instead of getting caught up in the hows and whys, you just do one thing. This looks like just getting closer to women, this doesn’t mean we need to talk to them but we are getting closer and putting ourselves around them. This will train your brain to get around attractive women instead of running or sitting back.
Step three is making conversation with her but without being super clever and flirty because you’re still getting your body comfortable with this. You will ask a mundane question such as, “What time does this place close?” or “What drinks are good here?”. This will become another thing that you practice over and over until you’re comfortable.
The best and worst places and ways to practice approaching women
Eric says that you want to be careful where you practice this because if you do it at a party or a yoga studio and by accident you creep someone out, it can have adverse consequences.
Some women are especially sensitive to this for good reasons and because you are practicing you want to be careful where you do it. You want to give yourself room to make mistakes. There will be times when you have really positive interactions as well but you have to allow yourself to be able to process positive and negative experiences.
If you start with environments with less risk you will continue to gain confidence for occasions such as parties or yoga studios where you can have longer conversations.
Eric’s final three steps for approaching women
Once you’ve gotten comfortable with an easy question and walking away, you can start to push it a little more and open up the conversation for a little longer. The more you do this and get comfortable the better you get at reading signals which allows for the conversation and connection to build as well.
Eric also emphasizes that we don’t want to overanalyze body language at this stage because our insecurities can take this and run with it. Try to see as much positivity as you can and also take clear signals of being uninterested seriously.
Step five allows the man to focus questions about her such as pointing out that she’s reading and what she loves to read. When it comes to bars, that can be a double edged sword because it can be more anxiety provoking because of crowds and it being loud. Eric says that you should practice in numerous environments.
Step six is to find something about her that’s really interesting and meaningful to you and that you can appreciate. This helps the man to build credibility with her so once he asks her out on a date she knows that he knows her as a person. It’s really important that through these steps the man makes the woman feel non threatened, welcomed and interested with the built emotional connection.
Impact of COVID on dating
There is less and less human interaction and it makes it less comfortable overall. You can sit in front of your screen at work and then sit in front of your screens at home and date from your screens. In the end, this can make your body wither away and your social muscle can fade.
It’s important to put yourself out in the world and move your body too, get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Why it’s so important for men to learn how to approach women
This is one of the basic building blocks of confidence. It’s really important to build relationships and to have confidence in the ones you’re already in. You won’t hold onto the relationships in your life that aren’t working if you know you can go create a new one.
It’s a huge turnoff to not be secure in yourself and nobody wants to be dating a clingy person. You can build confidence in a lot of different ways but all those things may not translate to how you are with women so these steps are foundational.
How following these steps helps you meet more attractive women than online dating
Online dating is extremely efficient and if you are an okay looking guy you can meet an okay looking girl. If you want to meet someone more interesting or more attractive than before, it may be hard to achieve that through online dating. When you go out in person and meet these women you are cutting to the front of the line because they can see your confidence where they can’t see that on the apps.
Being confident in real life is much more sexy than confidence through an app. There is an unreasonable amount of competition online and the odds can be much more against.
How Eric coaches his clients about sex
Eric focuses on sexual escalation. He helps them get ready to bring her to the bedroom if that’s something they both want. This involves physical contact through the date, making her feel safe and implementing more touching.
He offers some guiding points like talking about sex during the date or bringing up some questions that open it up for them. This is all about foreplay and creating the ideas. This also can help weed out if you have been friend zoned if your advances go flat.
How to know if she wants a kiss
Eric says give it a chance but be perceptive of her body language and if she says no. Sometimes no can mean not yet but you have to try if it feels right and see where it takes you. There’s a way to do it that makes her feel comfortable and that’s a bit more flirty and less straightforward.
Eric’s favorite date
He went to an electronic dance music show with a date and danced until 2AM. He shared the same kind of experience on the dance floor with her and it was very artistically interesting. There was some erotica with her on the dance floor and they had a lot of energy to release when they got home.
Connect with Eric