We all know that dating has its challenges but our guest today reminds us of how fun and successful it can be when you have the right tools! Garin Flowers, entertainment reporter and stand-up comedian, joins us today for a conversation around romantic date ideas, the pros and cons of dating checklists, and why men need to leave a little bit of mystery to build a stronger connection. Garin also reminds us to be careful about the ways we talk about dating because our words manifest into our reality. 

Whether you are struggling with dating, want to spice up your long-term relationship, or want tips to make your dating life more successful, this is a conversation that everyone  can benefit from!

In this week’s episode, we discuss:

[01:33] About Garin Flowers

[03:06] How to get cast on The Bachelorette

[08:19] Romantic date ideas

[13:09] Leveling yourself up in life

[17:12] What are some key components of successful dating?

[20:41] The pros and cons of dating lists 

[26:05] Getting to know someone before sleeping with them

[28:43] Leaving a little bit of mystery

[32:56] Women pursuing men is a turn-on

[35:28] Why are people still ghosting?

[39:15] Being a “master first dater” and building genuine connections

[43:13] Great first-date ideas

[47:33] What to talk about on a date

[50:13] Tricks for men who aren’t good at first dates

[52:30] Using “this or that” or “would you rather questions” on a second date

[54:39] Garin’s favorite date

[56:23] More great date ideas

About Garin Flowers

Garin Flowers is a Yahoo entertainment reporter, an on-camera host for smart theaters who conducts celebrity interviews in advance of movie premieres. He is a USC professor, a stand-up comedian, was a lead in the Netflix movie “They Cloned Tyrone”, and was featured on The Bachelorette in 2020.

How to get cast on The Bachelorette

Garin shares that he kept it real and poured his heart out to the producers of The Bachelorette and they wanted to cast him on the show. In the pandemic, he started dating someone he met on TikTok and he jumped into a very fast relationship. They said I love you to each other and then out of nowhere she told him that she always rushes into things and wanted to end it. This was his first experience of being with someone who was dealing with trauma and did not know how to have a healthy relationship.

After this ended, he was watching an ABC show and saw the casting for The Bachelorette. He signed up, shared his story, and they loved it. He recommends that any men who desire to be on the show to be genuine, describe the relationships they have had, and be authentic.

Romantic date ideas

Celeste shares that in a relationship everyone goes through the motions of life and we forget how important it is to date each other. Garin has shared that after The Bachelorette, he was reminded of how important it was to focus on dating and planning dates. He even got to a point where he was so romantic that he needed to scale it back. 

He started dating a woman long distance after the show and when she visited him, he turned his apartment into a spa. He had her favorite candy, a note, fancy towels, and he wanted to make her as comfortable as possible. It was so romantic and a small thing that you could do for someone. 

With another woman he was dating, they made a joke that he was applying to be her cuddle buddy since it was starting to get cold. So on their next date, he brought her a cover letter of why he was applying for the job of being her cuddle buddy and he planned a date in her area based off of the conversations they had had.

Celeste reminds us that when we actively listen to what someone is saying to us, even the simple things can make a big difference. If you let women be in their feminine energy, this will allow a successful dance of the relationship – just by doing these easy things. 

Leveling yourself up in life

Garin shares that he has leveled up in his dating and personal life. He reminds us that we need to focus on things that make us feel better and become better people. He recently started going to salsa dancing lessons because he did not know how to dance. Since he liked salsa clubs and wanted the chance to mingle with attractive women there and at weddings, he knew he needed to take classes. This helped his confidence and helped him with women as well. 

Celeste shares that this is what being a high-value man looks like. It is about a growth mindset and asking ourselves “How can I feel better?”. This starts within and then you can even pick up a hobby that you like which will also make you more attractive to the opposite sex. 

What are some key components of successful dating?

Even though Garin is still single, he is utilizing things that he has learned from a dating coach. He is removing sex and things below the belt for the first month. This helps him not have a superficial fling with someone which may turn them off for the long term. He has also created a love list where he has written down the type of person he wants to be with and the type of relationship he wants to have. He references this list when he is dating someone. He also says he is focused on listening and giving women a chance to see if it is going to work out.

The pros and cons of dating lists 

Celeste shares that dating lists can be damaging or they can play a powerful role in the dating arena. She also shares that when we put physical attributes on our lists, we can miss out on a lot. We need to put our life values, beliefs, and life goals on these lists because these are a big part of a successful relationship. Do not allow physical attributes to tunnel vision your list because then you will miss out on opportunities. 

Garin shares that his dating coach told him to put physical attributes he is looking for on his list and even though he is attracted to many different types of women, this allowed him to release it for him. This does not mean that the person needs to look like this but he does not want to lie to himself about what does it for him. He also says that internal factors can make or break a situation so it is important to focus on things beyond physical attributes. 

Getting to know someone before sleeping with them

We can be intimate with someone without having sex with them. You can have a hot and steamy makeout session or get to know them on a different level to create emotional, intellectual, or spiritual intimacy. 

Garin shares that since implementing his rule of not having sex with someone before a month, many women are confused about whether he likes them or not. Celeste shares that it has been normalized for men to want to have sex with you on the first or second date but it should not be. If you are waiting to have sex, there are many other ways that you can show someone you are physically attracted to them. There is the friend zone and then the attraction zone. You can touch, kiss, or develop passion in conversations so you do not get put in the friend zone. You can also just tell her that you want to get to know her without the cloud of sexuality.

Leaving a little bit of mystery

Garin shares that leaving a bit of mystery can help build a stronger connection. When he is first dating a woman and he wants to take his time, he lets them wonder a bit. This creates a healthy and safe internal chase between each other. Then at some point, you can have that conversation about getting to know each other on a deeper level before having sex. 

Women pursuing men is a turn-on

Men are hunters and they are supposed to chase a woman but Garin is a huge advocate of women shooting their shot. He says that as men, you do not want to have that position where you are always trying to pursue her and get her attention. You have to let her know that you value yourself and believe in yourself as well. 

Garin shares that it is great for women to shoot their shots for multiple reasons. A lot of times men are focused on what is going on and not necessarily looking around. Another reason is that men are shy and nervous to approach a woman even if they are confident. And number three, he may have physically not noticed you. Then after you shoot your shot, you can put the ball in his court and he can take control. 

Celeste reminds us that it can be great to let a man know that you are interested in him but she thinks that the man should be the pursuer after this because you do not want the woman carrying the weight of pursuing them – this puts her in her masculine energy.

Why are people still ghosting?

Both Celeste and Garin agree that ghosting is a reflection of emotional immaturity. When people are ghosted, they think that something is wrong with them. Garin reminds us that you do not have to break up with everyone that you have a first date with, but if you build a flow with someone, you need to be respectful and let them know it is not working anymore. Celeste shares that it is human decency to let someone know where you stand. They are going to appreciate it so much more than you just leaving the situation even if you are not interested. 

There are things that you can do to turn someone off and have them ghost you like blowing up their phone, but for the most part, ghosting is immature and terrible. If you are thinking about ghosting, put yourself in their shoes and see how you would feel if they did that to you. Treat others how you want to be treated.

[39:15] Being a “master first dater” and building genuine connections

Garin shares that before moving to Los Angeles, he was always in a long-term relationship. In LA, he has had a lot more dates and not as many genuine connections. This is why he hired a dating coach and always checks himself to figure out his dating life. He is always seeing how he can do better and be better. 

Garin reminds us to be careful about how we talk about dating. If we put the words out there such as “dating is trash, it sucks” then it is going to manifest that way to you. Say what you want to be true and go into first dates thinking the best-case scenario. It may be challenging to be optimistic which is why having a coach or mentor to help you in these moments can change your outcome!

[43:13] Great first-date ideas

Garin is learning to create dates based on the conversations he has had with the specific woman he is taking on a date. He wants to make this unique to them but also shares that we should not be stressing ourselves out about the date. There have been times when he stressed himself out so much that he no longer wanted to go on the date. So take the pressure off of yourself and keep it simple but unique!

You can have a coffee date or do some type of experience such as going to the beach or walking around a busy area. You can go on a hike or a walk in the park and then bounce from one place to another. You can also do FaceTime dates if you want to meet someone that you met on a dating app face-to-face. If you talked about a play you wanted to see together that can be a great date as well. The best thing to do is rely on the conversations you are having and pick something out of there to do for a date. If you both like to paint, go painting or if you want to try a new sport, do that. 

[47:33] What to talk about on a date

Many people struggle with connecting so if you go to a play or a movie, it naturally brings up something to talk about. Celeste shares that you can always ask open-ended questions and make sure not to talk about drama, children, and other things that will not lead to a second date. We do not want this to feel like an interview and a suggestion she has for a question is asking about travel. If you like to travel then asking someone else their favorite places can really open up a lot of conversation and you can go from there. 

[50:13] Tricks for men who aren’t good at first dates

If you are not good at first dates or thinking of questions to ask, take the time to think about this before the date. Think about what conversations you have had leading up to this date, what you like about them, and what you want to share about yourself. Then you can look up online what are great first date questions and then you can have a list of 5 questions in your head already that you can fall back on. You can also use your surroundings to spark a conversation!

[52:30] Using “this or that” or “would you rather questions” on a second date

Garin says that printing out a list of “this or that” or “would you rather questions” for a fourth or fifth date has always been a hit for him. Celeste reminds us that it is also okay to have awkward silence because it allows people to think of questions and let new conversations flow.

[54:39] Garin’s favorite date

There is a woman that Garin has recently been seeing and as a birthday present, she took him to a pottery class. This was so much fun and they were creating pottery, laughing, and there were a lot of sexual jokes.

[56:23] More great date ideas

Another great date idea for people who love art is a paint and sip. A wine tasting is always a great way to try different types of wines. You can also play a card game where you ask each other questions that you typically would not. Going on a boat ride, a day festival, or another environment where things are changing are always fun dates as well. 

Connect with Garin:

Instagram 

YouTube