Sexologist and sex coach for men Taylor Johnson joins us this week for an informative conversation around men’s sex lives. Whether you are looking to improve your sex life or you have specific struggles that you deal with, this episode is for you! Taylor shares with us practical tools for premature ejaculation, how semen retention can help you in various areas of life, and the importance of men’s groups.
Taylor also shares his struggle with porn addiction and how his life looks on the other side of it. If you’re looking to thrive in your sex life – make sure to tune in!
In this week’s episode, we discuss:
[02:07] About Taylor Johnson
[02:45] What led Taylor down the path of helping men in their sex lives?
[05:25] Practical tools for premature ejaculation?
[12:17] Having sex without the goal of orgasm & semen retention
[18:11] The impact of learning how to relax more deeply
[23:35] The sexually stimulating aspect of porn & porn addiction
[33:16] The financial impact of eliminating porn
[39:07] What shifted Taylor into a new way of living?
[43:04] The importance of men’s groups
[48:20] Taylor’s favorite date
About Taylor Johnson
Taylor Johnson is a certified sexologist and sex coach for men who is dedicated to helping men thrive in sex life and relationships.
What led Taylor down the path of helping men in their sex lives?
Taylor used to struggle with sex when he was younger. He struggled with premature ejaculation and it ruined his sex life and his confidence. He went through a period of time where he would avoid women completely because he was afraid of getting sexual. He would either not be able to get an erection or he would ejaculate too quickly.
He also struggled with a porn addiction and that really hurt some of his earlier relationships. At a certain point, he knew he needed to make a change. He spent thousands of dollars studying with people all over the world which led him to become a coach himself. Taylor shares that if you struggle with any of these things, he is here to help!
Practical tools for premature ejaculation?
Taylor shares that ⅓ of men will struggle with premature ejaculation at some point in their lives. Porn addiction and erectile dysfunction are also common. Taylor has found that there are just as many searches for “how to stop watching porn” as there are for “how to last longer in bed”
One of the biggest reasons why men experience premature ejaculation is because of the way they masturbate. A lot of men masturbate just to get off and relieve tension. They usually sit there, their hand goes up and down, and they ejaculate within a few minutes. They are not focused on their body, their breathing, or any part of the “love-making” experience. This starts to train your sexual response system to see sexual arousal as a time curve that is just a couple of minutes.
Taylor shares that the way you masturbate is a training ground for how you have sex with someone. Men do not think that they are going to ejaculate quickly, it is just a response. He shares that if every man made a commitment to themselves to masturbate for longer than 20 minutes, this would help a lot with premature ejaculation. This will train your nervous system to relax into the experience of sex and your body will realize that many ejaculation is not the goal. Taylor recommends using his Free 7-Day Semen Retention guide to improve your sex life.
Having sex without the goal of orgasm & semen retention
Taylor is a big fan of sex that does not have an orgasm as the end goal. He says when he was younger, he used to think “What is the point of having sex without ejaculating?” now he realizes he can still have a ton of pleasure and not ejaculate. He believes that ejaculating tells your system that you have succeeded. This means you will have less mental clarity, less zest, and less fire.
He says he practices Qigong exercises which is a martial arts form of yoga. He uses breathing, hand movements, visualization, and self-massage to move the sexual arousal around his body. He starts to feel enlivened by the experience instead of tired and drained out.
Taylor says that semen retention (which is being intentional with your sexual arousal and choices), comes from a few different esoteric traditions. They all saw that the decision of whether or not to ejaculate is important for a man’s overall happiness and success in all areas of life. In Western society, we often think that our sexuality lives in a little box in our genitals and doesn’t impact the rest of our lives. But that is not the case, everything we do has an impact on who we are.
The impact of learning how to relax more deeply
Taylor shares that it is important to learn how to relax more deeply. Relaxation in your nervous system, body, and pelvic floor is going to allow you to last as long as you want in sex and have an erection that is not affected by anxiety. He says that anxiety is a roadblock to arousal so if you learn how to relax, it will be easier for you to have a better sexual experience. He also shares that men usually last longer during morning sex because they have been relaxing for the last 8 hours. Most people do not realize the amount of stress we experience throughout the day. All this tension leads to premature ejaculation which leads to anxiety, which leads to erectile dysfunction, which leads to anxiety in general.
Our ability to relax throughout the day and cultivate a space of internal relaxation is key. This is a practice you have to learn and a habit you have to create. Taylor reminds us to treat our entire system (body, brain, nervous system, and sexual organs) with respect and intentionality.
The sexually stimulating aspect of porn & porn addiction
Taylor says that porn addiction is a nuanced topic that has a lot of gray areas. He does say that porn is cocaine for your penis. It can feel great in the moment but it can be problematic if you do it regularly. Very few people can do it regularly without serious adverse side effects to their sexual response system or their mental and relationship health. When Taylor thinks back to when he was watching the most porn, he noticed that he found his partner less attractive, he was more irritable, and experiencing a lot more erectile dysfunction. He would get a strong erection and then it would fade in the first minute or so.
He realized that when you look at porn, the stimuli are constantly changing. You can watch a video for a few seconds and then watch another. The people who edit these videos make them so they are as sexually stimulating as possible. He found that when porn would change, he could keep an erection for longer but with his partner, it would fade away.
He started to not watch porn and his relationship and life were much better. He started to try different sexual experiments around his porn addiction and eventually, he realized how much better his life was without it. This was not an overnight thing and it took a lot of work for him to get there.
The financial impact of eliminating porn
Taylor shares that when he eliminated porn, he realized how much more energy he had for his business ventures. He says that watching porn made him less confident and once he started to be intentional with his ejaculations, he had more zest and energy available. He put all of this energy that he put into porn into his business and connected with the superpower of sexual energy. He started to get better clients, got noticed by bigger companies, and his entire life changed because of how intentional he had been with his sexual choices.
What shifted Taylor into a new way of living?
For a 2-month timeframe, Taylor was completely lost. He was not confident, not happy, not making enough money, and he felt trapped. He hit a breaking point where he realized that this was unsustainable. There was a shift where he felt like something needed to change. Taylor reminds us that we are all responsible for our actions and we need to do something different when we are in this space.
The importance of men’s groups
Taylor shares that men have a tough time speaking about their feelings and being vulnerable. He finds that when they are in a group of men who are going through similar things, it is supportive of their journey. They realize that they are not alone and this is healing for the nervous system, for the heart, for the body, and the soul. Many men live in an isolation bubble of shame if there is a “sexual dysfunction” happening. They often keep everything to themselves and it is very unhealthy. It may be hard for men to open up but it is so important for them to do so!
Taylor’s favorite date
At the beginning of his current relationship, he invited his partner over to his house where he set up candles and they had an intimate night together. They both took psychedelic mushrooms and since they are both musicians, they played instruments, sang, and stayed in a musically creative space together for a long time. It was a beautiful connective experience with breathwork, massaging, and rolling around together.
Connect with Taylor:
Improving Men’s Sex Lives with Taylor Johnson
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