If you are already involved in a kink community you may already have your own way to incorporate kink into a relationship. You may even prefer to date someone who has experience with your kinks. But if this is all kind of new to you or you would like to try new kinks with someone then let’s go over some important points so you are ready for that conversation.  

When is the best time to bring up your kinks or fantasies?

I recently spoke with a sex doctor and I am going to be releasing a podcast episode in the coming weeks, but I’ll give you some insider information now. You need to have this conversation when you both are ready to become intimate with one another. This may need to be done in one or more conversations to ensure you are both on the same page and can consent to the shared experience. Ps: Subscribe to my podcast so you don’t miss this episode, it’s called The Down And Dirty Podcast and you can listen on Apple, Spotify, or Stitcher.      

What if she isn’t interested in trying these kinks or fantasies?

The only answer to this is, that’s ok. She may not be interested and you have to accept that answer. Don’t set any expectations on how you think the conversation should go, you need to be open and honest and let her respond openly and honestly as well. This is the only way you are going to know if you are compatible sexually.  

How to start the conversation

Know that this may be difficult for her to talk about and be a little uncomfy for you both since you know you are about the bring the relationship to a new level. To be open to talking about kinks she needs to be comfortable with you, so don’t put any pressure on her to engage in these activities right away. You also don’t need to tell her everything from the get-go. Ease her into what you like and answer any questions that she may have.  

You don’t need to have a formal sit down about this but you can introduce flirty questions to get the ball rolling. Wouldn’t it be exciting to do (insert kink), I think it would be sexy if we tried (insert kink), what would you think if I did (be descriptive) to you? Do you see where I’m going with this? This is a great way to clearly communicate what you are interested in without killing the mood.   

Should I talk about kinks in my dating profile?

I have recently had this conversation with a friend and I think there should be a separate section on your dating profile that gives you the option to put in more about your sexuality. I wouldn’t advertise your kinks on your main bio but dating apps should allow people to put it somewhere. This is a great way for people to be more knowledgeable about sex, kinks, and fantasies. But I am going into a whole other topic so I’ll leave it there. 

There is a lot of stigma around kinks and fantasies but it is completely healthy to want to explore them. Don’t forget that the woman you are with may also have her own kinks she’d like to explore. Ask her, she may be shy about them or she might be excited that you asked. Either way, sharing your fantasies is a great way to connect and you never know what you might end up liking.