In this week’s episode, I go into my personal story about trust and how it has been a big part of my life and healing journey. From my memories of being in the womb of my teenage mother to learning to open my heart even deeper to my teenage daughter, my story is full circle and not without its ups and downs.
In this week’s episode I get vulnerable for you guys in the hopes that you can find the vulnerability in yourself and learn to trust again.
In this week’s episode, we discuss:
[1:49] The topic of trust
[3:01] My tumultuous journey with trust
[5:18] A defining moment when I was seventeen
[6:21] The father of my child and our relationship
[7:51] The relationship between my daughter and I
[12:11] The importance of learning to trust yourself
[14:56] How to rebuild trust once it’s broken
[17:10] Questions to start your healing process
The topic of trust
For some reason this is a theme in my life right now and I think it would be great to share a bit of my story and the trust issues that have arisen over the years for me.
Trust is the building blocks of a healthy relationship and it can be tarnished by many things such as childhood trauma, PTSD, bullying, rejection and negative relationships.
My tumultuous journey with trust
My parents were teen parents and had a huge decision to make during my mother’s pregnancy of either keeping me or giving me away. She obviously chose to keep me and that is still one of the best decisions she ever made. My father chose to leave and although I understand how hard it was on him, I definitely felt a sense of abandonment around him deciding to leave.
These were a part of my very first memories and energies I could feel even while I was in the womb. I knew they loved me but I didn’t know if I could rely on them and didn’t have a safe place to trust somebody.
A defining moment when I was seventeen
As a teen mom, my mother didn’t get the same experiences that most teens and early twenty year olds have of being able to date around. She decided to start this part of her life when she was 33 and she brought home a new boyfriend that I did not like at all. As a result of me being very vocal about it, she decided I should leave home. She completely broke my trust by choosing a man over me.
The father of my child and our relationship
The next breach in trust was with the father of my daughter. We had been trying to have a child while I was dealing with some health issues and I found out he had been using drugs. He was not planning to quit anytime soon and I did not want that for my daughter. I chose to terminate his parental rights and be the sole parent of my daughter. I did not want her to lose her dad but he was a huge liability and it was definitely for the best.
The relationship between my daughter and I
It became painfully clear when raising my teenage daughter that I had built up some really big walls that hindered our relationship. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I realized in that moment that I had to change my ways. I had been living in survival mode for 16 years and that was no longer serving us.
The first thing I did was find a therapist that would help me work through my past traumas. I had to dig deep and face the old wounds because I was really struggling with her changing as well. I needed guidance on how to support her and I started to take some classes with different healing therapies.
Now, my walls are no longer impenetrable and I am changing the story for my daughter and our future. I no longer believe that I have to do it all on my own and I can’t count on anyone.
The importance of learning to trust yourself
Once you learn to trust your decisions you can then let people in more and trust them. This starts with healing past traumas that got you to where you’re at now.
Through healing we have to learn to be vulnerable because it is a strength not a weakness. If we can’t be vulnerable we can’t experience true deep love and everything stays on the surface. Becoming aware of our childhood wounds and ways of coping that we may have learned from caregivers is so important. When we get past these things we can have new experiences that are not based on our old patterns.
How to rebuild trust once it’s broken
Some trust can be rebuilt but there are some steps that must be done to support the process. I believe you have to come completely clean, be honest and let it all out. If we want a new foundation then we have to hear and say all our mistakes.
You will need to have open communication where you apologize and really mean it. Focus on listening and reiterating what your partner says. Also, make sure to not repeat the same patterns. This will break the trust again and it may be unfixable.
Recognize when someone follows through on a promise. Small things can bring the trust back and make sure to show gratitude for those things. Lastly, some trust can not be rebuilt and it’s important to work on yourself before starting a new relationship.
Questions to start your healing process
Why do I continue to be dishonest? Do I believe that I deserve a good relationship? Do I self sabotage? Is this the same bad habits I keep replaying in my relationships? Does this stem from childhood? Continue to look inward and do the work and I promise you will learn and be better.
I also recommend the book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz as a guiding place for you as well.