Is a deeper sense of happiness something that you’ve been seeking? If so, tune in! This week I am joined by happiness coach and author, Robert Mack, to dive deep into all things happiness, self-love, and relationships. 

In this raw and real conversation, we explore the problem of seeking happiness outside of ourselves, why we need to prioritize our happiness above everything else, and the importance of filling our cups up first. Robert gives us practical tools that we can use and reminds us that consistency is more important than intensity.

Robert’s story showcases that a happier life is possible, no matter what your past looks like. This episode is full of golden nuggets so make sure to tune in and implement them so you can be on your way to becoming a happier person! 

In this week’s episode, we discuss:

[01:51] About Robert Mack

[03:31] How Robert got started in happiness coaching

[06:26] Is depression hereditary?

[09:16] The importance of filling our cups up first

[11:03] We have to take ownership of how we feel

[12:28] Spend more time doing things that uplift you

[15:41] The problem in looking for happiness outside of yourself 

[18:55] Neediness is unattractive

[20:15] Tools you can use to rewire your old beliefs

[23:33] How to deal with things that don’t feel good

[27:25] Practicing consistency over intensity

[31:07] Destination addiction

[32:16] Coming from a place of service

[35:00] About Robert’s book “Love From The Inside Out”

[38:42] Robert’s favorite date

About Robert Mack

Robert Mack is an Ivy League-educated, positive psychology expert, celebrity happiness coach, and television host and producer. His work has been endorsed by Oprah, Vanessa Williams, Lisa Nichols, and many others. Roberts is also the best-selling author of “Happiness from the Inside Out” and “Love from the Inside Out”.

How Robert got started in happiness coaching

As long as Robert could remember he was sad, anxious, and depressed. He was a perfectionist, even at 7 years old. He thought he would grow out of it but even as he accomplished things, nothing was making him happy. He was so depressed that he had suicidal ideation. One day he dug a kitchen knife into his wrist and the most unexpected thing happened, he felt limitless peace and love. He decided that he was going to postpone his suicide and dive into research on happiness and depression. He applied everything he possibly could and eventually found the positive psychology program and created a private practice. 

Is depression hereditary?

Robert shares that 50% of our happiness rating is attributable to our genetics. Some of us are wired higher for happiness and some a little lower. But unlike eye color or height, our happiness score is malleable and we can improve it. Robert said that he is a testament to this and that we all have the opportunity to become a lot happier.

Robert says that we need to begin noticing what hurts and what does not and begin to honor it. Most of the depression and unhappiness that we all experience is the result of not honoring and celebrating the intuitive knowing that we all have that it feels good, to feel good, and it is good for you. 

The importance of filling our cups up first

Celeste shares that we can only give when we are filled up and love ourselves, you can only share what you have. Robert says that happy people make better lovers. Take note when you are happy and you will see that life is easier for you. If you care about other people, you have to care about yourself. We often complicate this and try to fill other people up but this is going to backfire. 

We have to take ownership of how we feel

When we have a bad breakup or we have the same issues arise over and over, it’s easy for us to say that we are the problem. Robert shares that this is a great thing to notice because when we blame someone else for how we feel, we render ourselves powerless to do anything about it. We do not want to render ourselves powerless to live a healthy, wealthy, or loving life so it’s great to have this awareness to notice how powerful we are – then we can make a change. 

Spend more time doing things that uplift you

Robert suggests doing more of the things that make you feel happy, alive, and uplift you. And we also have to spend less time on activities that make us feel drained or unhappy to be alive. This can feel hard at first but you will start to notice how many things you are doing that are making you unhappy. You will be surprised by how much you accomplish when you are mindful of this. 

Celeste shares that she went to fashion week just for herself and her happiness and it was one of the best weeks ever. This is a reminder that we should not make excuses for the things that we want to do because then we will feel enriched and everything will be easier for us and everyone around us.

The problem in looking for happiness outside of yourself 

If you are looking for anything outside of yourself, you will find it very difficult to find that thing (and you will find it just as difficult to hold on to it). You have to remember that you are the source of peace love and happiness. Robert shares that science tells us that happier people live longer, happier, and healthier lives. When you discover this wellspring of peace, love, joy, and self-love inside of yourself, you’ll notice this reflected in your world. 

Start to notice if you are dating intending to accomplish something. There is nothing more attractive or appealing than someone who is just present, tapped in, and turned on. There is nothing more detrimental to your dating life than just trying to achieve something through the experience. This feels very transactional to the other person and it will not lead to further dates. Robert shares this powerful quote to remind us that we are what we seek: “Only the loveless seek love and yet never find it. The self-loving, never seek love, yet they always find it.”

Neediness is unattractive

Celeste shares that the number one thing that women find unattractive is neediness. This is because there is an emptiness inside that they are trying to fill and that never works with external things. You cannot love someone enough to shore up the lack of self-love that they have. If their bucket has a hole in it, no matter how much you pour into it, it comes right out the other side. 

Tools you can use to rewire your old beliefs

If you want to experience healthy love, then you have to prioritize happiness above all else. The ways to make sure that you are as happy and self-loving as possible are to:

1. Spend more time doing things that uplift, inspire, and make you feel happy.
   
2. Spend more time with people who make you feel loved and happy.
   
3. Learn to tell yourself happier more self-loving stories over and over again until it becomes a habit. This does not mean you lie to yourself, this means that you look for the good in every story. For example, if you went on a “bad date” instead of focusing on how bad it was, you can tell yourself how much you were reminded that you want a different relationship. There is a truthful, better fluid way to talk about everything in everyone. And you want to do it for yourself so that you simply feel better.

4. “Happy no thoughts”: you do not have to think about your love life and what you are lacking every day. Do something that takes your mind off of this so you can think less and enjoy life more. Think less and feel more! 

How to deal with things that don’t feel good

Robert shares that we need to be more playful about things that we do not like to do. When something bothers you and you are in a spiral, it is okay to distract yourself. You do not have to reframe it in the moment, you can go for a walk instead. He also recommends to pick one tool and try it out. That way you will be led to other steps on this journey and you can start to transition out of what does not feel good. Remember to have compassion and be more playful!

Practicing consistency over intensity

Robert shares that we need to practice consistency over intensity. Even if we just meditate for a few breaths and treat them like they are our last on earth, we will be happier. As simple as it is, this practice will bring you more peace. If we can have more awareness throughout our days and lean into the things that feel good and lean out of the things that do not, we will notice how much better our lives get. Being present for a few moments is better than not being present at all.

Destination addiction

So many of us have destination addiction where we think that the future is going to provide us with something that the present does not offer. This is a mistake because we will bring that same mindset into the future and it will end up being a game of whack-a-mole. This is something that we can easily solve. If you care about feeling good and you want to experience a happier life, use the master key of being more present and enjoying your life more. You will be surprised at how your life turns around without much effort. 

Coming from a place of service

Celeste shares that when she comes from a place of service and connection, so many beautiful things happen. Robert says that the key to service is to do it without an expectation of reciprocity. Even if you expect a thank you, you will find yourself trapped wondering “Why did I even help this person?” But if you can do it with the joy of helping and being of service and knowing that the seed you are planting will grow, appreciation will come back to you. When you are truly giving someone a gift, this makes you happy and will have you feeling good that you did. 

About Robert’s book “Love From The Inside Out”

Robert wrote his book “Love From The Inside Out” with no intention of pleasing anyone else. He only wrote what felt inspiring and if it came from his mind and seemed rational and logical, he did not trust that. He wanted this to come from a deeper knowing and higher intelligence. This book is essentially one-page meditations on true love. 

This is the type of love that is fulfilling from the inside out. This does not depend on anyone else. This invitation here is to redefine what it means to say “I love you”. It is an invitation to look deeper into the way you think about and experience love. It is a call to experience the kind of happily ever love that we all want, desire, and deserve. 

Robert’s favorite date

Robert had a beautiful date in a rural cabin in Hawaii. There was a lot of connection because there was no cell service and they spent a lot of time talking and also many moments of silence and just looking out into the ocean. 

Connect with Robert:
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