Have you ever considered that there is “you” behind the character you play in this human life? I think many of us go on a journey of finding out who really are and Alex Shailer is no different. 

This week Alex and I have an enlightening conversation about our true nature and how that impacts our healing and growth in this life. I always say that “doing the work” is a big part of having a healthy relationship and finding a spiritual depth can be a huge part of that healing. 

This week’s episode will leave you asking big questions and one step closer to finding a true authentic partnership! 

In this week’s episode, we discuss: 

[1:18] About Alex Shailer

[2:32] More on what Alex teaches 

[8:37] What brought Alex to this line of work

[14:59] Alex’s perspective on tools 

[18:00] Men and repressed emotion 

[23:24] Alex’s opinions on anxiety 

[25:28] Tips to de-stress before a first date or a job interview 

[28:15] Top three tips for men to relieve stress 

[30:38] What Alex uses to guide people in creating healthy relationships 

[35:46] Alex’s favorite date 

About Alex Shailer

His aim is to help you overcome the anxiety, limitation, and feelings of lack that come from the ego, the voice in your head, the story of “me” in the mind.​ He loves to combine teachings from Western Neuroscience to Eastern Mysticism and everything else in between to help you live with more energy, vibrancy, and freedom. Everything he communicates comes from lived experience and has been applied in his own life to overcome his dark nights of the soul, and to transmute pain into peace.

More on what Alex teaches 

He identifies as a non-duality informed coach, meaning that he does different types of therapy but it is all informed by that idea. He believes our true nature is the presence behind the character or idea we have in our mind and his work is to get his clients to have more access to that true self. All the healing can stem from that. 

Instead of looking for lasting peace or attaching to people, places and things, find your peace in the presence that is the true you. 

What brought Alex to this line of work

He was introduced to Alan Watts who was noted for his interest in Zen Buddhism. None of the teachings completely hit home until he received the gift of suffering through a horrible breakup. He noticed his mind became like a horror movie and the pain became extremely difficult. 

He was craving transcendence and found a lot of guidance in Eckhart Tolle’s teachings. He eventually found some more direct teachings that allowed him to move beyond his suffering and find deeper presence. 

Alex’s perspective on tools 

He uses a lot of tools including breathwork. He believes these to be helpful but to always ask yourself, “what are they in service of?”. You do not want to use the tool to become something you use with the intention to fix yourself or engage in the belief that you are broken. 

Men and repressed emotion 

There’s an archetype of toxic masculinity and the idea around some emotions being “bad”. Men will keep themselves from feeling their feelings and will not be able to be all of who they are. When you have safety at an existential level then it’s easier to move through those feelings and let them leave you.

Alex’s opinions on anxiety 

There are different sources of anxiety. One may be from a direct external stimulation that goes straight from perception to the amygdala and you don’t even think about it. Also thinking on its own can trigger anxiety when you are identified with it. 

Tips to de-stress before a first date or a job interview 

There are many tools and finding what works for is really important. Alex offers a couple breathing techniques, self administered EMDR and bilateral stimulation. Overall, understanding who you really are is going to help you because if you aren’t trying to get anything from that person you will not have as much of an activated response.

Top three tips for men to relieve stress 

Yoga, Breathwork and self administered EMDR are Alex’s best tips for relieving stress. He makes it clear that processing large traumas should be done with a professional and that it’s best to practice EMDR with someone who can administer it to you. He also adds a fourth that is, shaking it out. 

What Alex uses to guide people in creating healthy relationships 

He has noticed through the years the similarities in a lot of the methods he used. He recommends the Imago Model for relationship healing. The philosophy states that we seek relationships consciously for pleasure and subconsciously for healing. He has noticed it to be people’s experience and that the Imago Method says to see relationships as avenues for healing. When we can get on board with that there is a lot of peace. 

Alex’s favorite date 

Alex’s best experiences have been when he’s done multiple things in one night with the person. When the experience is open and spontaneous. He has a lot of memories of doing that in his twenties around London at different parties. 

Connect with Alex: 



Freebie Link 


Finding Your True Nature with Alex Shailer

June 12, 2023