If you’ve ever wondered why you might not click with some of your dates or feel like you aren’t a match, maybe you’re noticing a mismatch of Emotional Intelligence.
In this episode, I am chatting with Life Coach Rima Eneva about all about the ins and outs of Emotional Intelligence or EQ. Rima tells us why someone may struggle with their EQ, offers some examples of this in couples and also gives us some tips to move forward. You don’t want to miss this week’s episode!
In this episode, we discuss:
[2:03] Getting to know Rima Enva
[3:38] What causes someone to have low emotional intelligence
[8:17] Why someone may be repeatedly experiencing the same problems in relationships
[10:32] Why is it important to work on your Emotional EQ for a healthy relationship
[13:47] More characteristics of a low Emotional EQ
[16:05] How Rima helps people grow their Emotional EQ
[20:58] A few key elements of a strong, healthy relationship
[30:23] When sex can become a mask
[35:01] How our personality is an adaptation strategy
[39:27] Rima’s favorite date
Getting to know Rima Enva
Rima is a life coach and a teacher on a mission to help people reconnect with themselves and their truth through emotional intelligence, mindset, and spirituality. She has a passion for helping people recognize, identify, respond and communicate their emotions.
Rima also hopes that the people she teaches can become embodied and learn to understand what their emotions are saying to them.
What causes someone to have low emotional intelligence
Low emotional intelligence can be impacted by the culture you are raised in. Rima stays away from generalizing but has noticed that men are raised to be tough and strong. Men also learn to do it alone rather than women who seem to reach out and connect with their girlfriends more often.
Furthermore, until the age of 7-10 we are sponges in the world and a product of our environment. If our parents are, for instance, passive aggressive, we may take that on as a future relationship strategy. Over time, if you suppress your childhood and don’t look at what you took on or experienced it becomes an unfamiliar territory that you don’t want to go into.
Unfortunately, Rima notices that people may grow up and start drinking or find ways to avoid and have a hard time communicating with another person how they feel.
Why someone may be repeatedly experiencing the same problems in relationships
In her practice with clients, Rima has seen that sometimes our self protection mechanism is to blame the other person rather than look at themselves. Also, she points out that if you are experiencing the same problems in relationships over and over again then it’s most likely not random.
This journey of self improvement can be a long journey and it may be extremely difficult to dig deep and to look at yourself because the ego will convince you to be in a victim mentality.
Why is it important to work on your Emotional EQ for a healthy relationship
Rima says, if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself and your emotions you won’t be able to have a healthy relationship with yourself which is the starting point.
She notices that in relationships people will come together and one person may have a good understanding of EQ (Emotional Intelligence) or they are on the personal development journey. Many times one partner will push the other to grow or inadvertently wake them up to make their own changes.
Moreover, we bring our patterns from our parents into our relationships and if we don’t have enough EQ we will never create something of our own outside of these patterns. A large part of EQ is self awareness and if you have a low EQ, then you don’t see how you create the life you have.
More characteristics of a low Emotional EQ
Rima offers more examples of low Emotional EQ as: inability to take responsibility, falling victim to everything and judgment of others (including gossip). Also, having something trigger you and you don’t know why and then making it about the other person.
How does Rima help people grow their Emotional EQ
Rima states that when you work with her, your treatment depends on you and everyone gets different treatment when they work with her.
Generally, she has people work through a “belief form” that enables her to better understand how they see the world. Usually an irrational response shows her and the client the trigger where with further processing she can see their self awareness.
A common homework assignment she gives may be for the client to get in touch with their body. Rima believes that emotions live in the body and if we are disembodied that can impact our EQ.
A few key elements of a strong, healthy relationship
Rima believes self awareness, communication, time alone, common goal or vision and sharing big values are extremely important for a strong and healthy relationship.
She explains, it’s normal to be an item and do things together, but also do things alone so that you can bring new energy into the relationship and to be yourself. You do not complete each other and you have to have your own self identity. When we are overly attached in a relationship it can actually be a trauma response.
When sex can become a mask
Rima states that men may want a burger instead of a salad. Sometimes men don’t want to do the cuddling or the flirting and just get to the “good” part. They both believe that men who want something more serious, might need to abstain from sex for a while and reconsider how they look at sex in a relationship.
Women may do this too because their walls are up and there might be underlying issues for them to look at as well.
How our personality is an adaptation strategy
Rima powerfully states that you think that who you are is who you are, but you actually adapted from various traumas and things that happened in your life.Your life begins when you start to consciously look at yourself and create your life the way you want it to be.
Emotional intelligence work is the groundwork and a pallet cleanse. It’s not to say that you may never repeat the patterns again but you’ll start showing up differently.
Rima’s favorite date
RIma has yet to have her favorite date because the dating phase of her life hasn’t been that extensive. She has been friends with most of her partners and it has grown from there. She is willing and excited to experience an amazing date in the future.
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