Motivational speaker and author Jacqueline Shaulis joins us this week for a fun conversation around introversion! Whether you identify as an introvert or want to understand them better, this episode is for everyone. Jacqueline unpacks the four different types of introverts, practical tips for dating as an introvert, and why introversion and extroversion are more than just black-and-white definitions. 

If you want a push to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, this is the episode to tune into. I learned so much about introversion and I know you will too. Make sure to share your takeaways with us over on Instagram!

In this week’s episode, we discuss:

[01:52] About Jacqueline Shaulis

[03:29] How extroverts and introverts process information

[07:52] The four types of introverts

[12:49] Why Jacqueline started talking about introversion

[18:38] How to start dating as an introvert

[27:46] Introversion and forward planning

[31:33] Going on a date with an activity

[39:08] A freeing practice for introverts 

[43:03] Why it’s important to protect your energy

[51:22] Jacqueline’s favorite date

About Jacqueline Shaulis

Jacqueline Shaulis has wowed audiences on six continents for her messages to embrace your awesome by communicating boldly at work, home, and beyond. As an introverted woman of color, she navigated a challenging upbringing to become an international speaker, global best-selling author, and advisor to Fortune 500 execs all while honoring her introversion. She has been featured in Forbes, The Washington Post, Today, Ted X, and Yahoo. She’s the founder of” Awesome Enterprises LLC” and the Executive Director of the National Center for Intersectional Studies. 

How extroverts and introverts process information

When Celeste first met Jacqueline, she would have never thought that she was an introvert. Jacqueline shares that many people think that all introverts are quiet, shy, and antisocial. The thing that makes someone an introvert is how they process information. Introverts process internally. They think about it, feel into it, and analyze how things are going to happen, all in their minds. This is also why they deplete energy quickly because there is a lot going on. Extroverts are external processors and they need to walk and talk through their thoughts. 

The four types of introverts

Jacqueline shares that we are all gradients of gray, there is no black and white with introversion and extroversion. There are also four different types of introverts which all respond differently:

Social introverts can willingly engage in social settings but after they process, they need some time away.

Analytical introverts are always thinking. They are usually more quiet because they are processing the most. They have more access to intuition and are more empathetic.

Reserved introverts are the ones that everyone associates with being an introvert. They love to be in observer mode and they are not really going to engage. They usually do not want to socialize with you.

Inhibited introverts are social in select scenarios. They want to build a group of “their people” If you see them with other people they will be the wallflower.

Restrained introverts do talk a lot but they have to be around certain people and feel a level of comfort and connection. They have to make sure that the conversations are worth the energy. 

Why Jacqueline started talking about introversion

Jacqueline always had a gift to advise people, even when she was younger. As she was helping women with communication and leadership, she started to notice that women were making the same complaints about their bosses. They were commenting on how quiet they were or they felt like they never had the opportunity to speak. 

This sparked an interest for Jacqueline and she started researching and noticed that there was no research on introversion for introverted women of color. She started to realize that this was not only a minor problem, but it was affecting women all around the globe. People felt threatened by introversion and introverts were not getting raises, promotions, or other opportunities that extroverts were. This is where her passion developed and now she looks at introversion as its own intersectional identity. 

How to start dating as an introvert

Jacqueline is dating again after 28 years and she now has to apply her own techniques to her life. She said the thing that she recommends most is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, it is going to feel awkward. She also shares to be honest with people and tell them when you are feeling uncomfortable and when you need a break. This allows them to see your vulnerability and this ends up being more attractive because you are just being yourself. 

Make sure you are managing your energy and doing things that help you get in the space where you feel recharged before the date. Whether that is a cup of tea, repeating a mantra, or breathwork. Then make sure to have this space after the date as well. Once our emotions are heightened, it takes a lot of energy. This depletion can happen instantly and we need to take time to reconnect with ourselves. 

It can be more difficult for introverts to stay present because they are so focused on the expectations they have and interpreting the other person’s feelings. So make sure to remind yourself to be present and have tools to help you do that. 

Introversion and forward planning

Jacqueline shares that introverts tend to forward plan. They will have an experience and connection and then their brains will want to process all of the steps forward that can happen. This can look like planning out the date and running through scenarios or planning the future with a person that you are not sure if you even like. This pressure and expectation can weigh heavily on you. Instead, ask yourself “Is this person worth my energy?” and figure it out from them. Enjoy the conversation and loosen up a little bit. 

Celeste shares that when she works with a client, she always asks them “How can we take the pressure off and have fun?”. On a first date, you want to feel this person’s energy and if they have the vibe that you want in a partner. 

Going on a date with an activity

Celeste always recommends to go do an activity on a first date. Even if it’s just walking at a dog park or bringing a friend. Having a buffer in an environment that is less intrusive than at dinner or a coffee shop is great. Jacqueline shares that this is very important for introverts because it gets them out of their heads. They can focus on the activity and not everything else which takes the pressure off. If you do something that you enjoy, this will also allow you to show more of your personality. It will allow you to be more vulnerable and you’ll feel recharged and energized. 

A freeing practice for introverts 

Celeste reiterates that it is important to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. This can be so freeing when you start to get used to this. Jacqueline shares that a practice she uses to network is to put yourself in a new space, connect with someone, and then connect those two people. This is a great way for introverts to get some engagement. 

She reminds us that we do not have to have 15 different conversations because that gets overwhelming. There is nothing wrong with connecting with a few different people and getting to know them on a deeper level. Find things that are uncomfortable for you but also still supportive of your introversion. 

Why it’s important to protect your energy

It is so easy to leak our energy out to many different people. As introverts, it is important to focus on what brings us energy and focus on a few different people. You do not have to say yes to every date, if you have a spreadsheet of your dates, that’s probably too much. Do things that you want to do and do not go on dates that have no interest to you. The things you enjoy will give you a boost of energy and it will free up that pressure as well. Finding something that brings delight, joy, and happiness to you is essential for everyone, especially introverts. 

Jacqueline’s favorite date

Jacqueline’s most memorable date was at a fancy restaurant with a friend and her date. She had on a skirt and an undergarment and when she was crossing the sidewalk, her undergarment fell in the middle of the street. She was modified but it was a moment that solidified their bond. He was totally unphased and even thought it was adorable.  

Connect with Jacqueline:
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